Giving our children unconditional love is is one of the biggest gifts we can give them. When someone truly knows they are loved they then carry that love and confidence with them through out their life, which allows them to face their personal limitations and obstacles easier. They can take an honest look at their strengths and shortcomings and be able to assimilate these into their personality. A lot of us were not shown unconditional love as a child. Some of us were only given love for performance or perfection, and some of us were really not shown any emotional love. How does this affect someone’s identity? Hugely. When someone was not given unconditional love as a child they have an extreme difficulty with being able to look at their shortcomings, they also express difficulty in being able to admit their needs because their emotional needs were ignored growing up. They also have difficulty expressing emotions because to express emotion indicates that the person needs another person. Additionally, as a child, if every time the kid got sad and the parent said, “stop being sad, I’ll give you something to be sad about.” Well, that shows that feelings are not allowed, so if you have feelings than shut them off.
For individuals that grew up in a critical family where love was earned not freely given, please know this. You are loved, just the way you are. You do not have to prove you are love worthy. Additionally, to admit faults, does not mean you are unlovable or a bad husband/wife/person, etc, all it means is that you are human, we all make mistakes. Often times in counseling I help people grieve the father or mother wound. We all know our parents loved us, however some parents were not able to meet our emotional needs like we needed. So grieving the parent wound allows us to acknowledge that our needs were not met and we can surrender and release that hurt. Let me know your thoughts on this issue, I am curios what you all are thinking. I am off to Lake Tahoe for the weekend for a conference; hopefully it will be a rejuvenating time! If you are wanting to work through these issues through counseling please peruse this site for more information.
Blessings and Peace be with you!