?Live Your BEST Life Now Therapy Toolkit?
Kelly Johnson, MA, LPC
All spelling errors and numerical are done on purpose. Take that perfectionism, you are LAME! Please feel free to print this on one sheet double sided and get laminated.
10 Secrets for Healing Your Inner Critic
Read these phrases out-loud to yourself 2x every day for 30 days looking into your pupils. Say it loudly, SLOWLY and with pausing, LIKE YOU MEAN IT!
- I am Accepted.
- I am Looooooved. (This doesn’t mean people love me, I am learning to L-O-V-E myself.)
- Each week I am going to try and do something that I am scared of doing.
- I am worthy.
- I am unstoppable. I can feel my fears. I can do what I am afraid of doing.
- I have a lot gifts that I have not discovered yet.
- I am going to be a role model in my life for a genuine apology as manifested by changing my behavior.
- I am going to learn to give myself GRACE for my mistakes. I am truly loved. When I start to believe that I am loved, then I can take responsibility for myself and my behavior.
- I am going to learn to express my feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, jealousy, fear, pain, happiness, sadness, excitement, etc. These feelings are beautiful feelings when they are expressed honestly, when they are not expressed honestly, they become destructive.
- I am going to be a world-changer in my part of the world today.
- I may NOT believe these things about myself YET. HELP ME WITH MY UNBELIEF. (Don’t say this of course if you do believe it)
10 Secrets for Healing Depression
- Change Your Self Talk, notice negative self-talk, stop it. Speak truth; “I can do this. I have so many gifts I have not discovered yet. I will talk about my fears. I will talk about my insecurities. I will have the hard conversations. I will be honest with myself, I will take my blinders off. I will learn to take feedback.”
- Make attempts to be social 2x each week.
- 30 minutes of sunshine each day. Walk, run, hike, sit, lay out, whatever. GET YOUR SUN!
- Choose Relationships where people encourage you, speak truth to you, call you out, and believe in you. Choose relationships where people will make you better, not bitter, not worse.
- Listen to music that is emotionally healthy.
- Wear clothes you looooove, not like. SHOP THRIFT STORES! (Because retail therapy can make you more depressed after you look at your bank account.)
- Finish this sentence here; For me to have THE BEST DAY POSSIBLE TODAY I will commit to getting these 3 things done. 1.________ 2.________ 3.________ DO THIS EACH DAY FOR 30 DAYS MINIMUM. REPEAT. ?
- Know that not all Depression is designed to be fixed immediatly, Depression heals us, evolves us, and grows us. Depression is an essential part of our evolutionary process as human beings.
- Depression is an experience, not a life sentence. YOU CAN CONQUER THIS. However, overcoming depression is contingent on you changing your behavior, it may turn into a life sentence if you do not change your behavior.
6 Secrets for Healing Anxiety
- Our anxiety is a sign that you are about to do something that you are scared of doing. When we do, what we are scared of doing, we evolve as a human being. I believe we have been given anxiety to EVOLVE us psychologically. When we avoid our anxiety, our anxiety will only grow. We are created to feel our anxiety and conquer our anxiety.
- Get off your phone! Frequent phone/social media use creates depression & anxiety. Most people have a phone addiction, use your cell phone like a land line.
- Give yourself more grace, everyone is fighting some sort of battle.
- Let yourself look painfully stupid, awkward, insecure, silly, face red, face blotchy in social settings. When your experiencing all of these symptoms it means you are facing your fears, EXCELLENT! This is the only path to FREEDOM from your anxiety. Allow yourself to feel these feelings regularly in social settings, your social anxiety will get less with time. When you avoid these situations out of fear, your anxiety will only get worse.
- Panic attacks are JUST in your head. This does NOT mean they are not REAL, THEY ARE 100% REAL! What I mean by this is; mind over matter. No, you are not having a heart attack, no you are not going to die. Feel the panic attack, lay down while its going on, if it’s a panic attack, it will pass in about 25 minutes. REST, LISTEN TO NATURE SOUNDS, GET IN COMFY CLOTHES IF YOU CAN. It will come up like a wave, peak, and then go back down again.
- Your anxiety is normally just a temporary painful emotional state, it will simmer down. Be gentle with yourself. ?
3 Secrets for Healing man made “Perfectionism”
- When I hear someone say; “I struggle with perfectionism”, it registers in my head as; “I struggle with pretending that I’m a fish!”
- If you struggle with perfectionism, you probably also struggle with narcissism, read below to learn more about narcissism. ?
- Make more errors, spell a few words wrong on purpose in emails, letters, journals, make more mistakes, let go, breathe, look stupid, be silly, laugh at yourself more, be wrong, be lousy at something, be inaccurate, it’s okay. Learn to LOVE yourself for who YOU ARE. If people are going to juddge you for a spelling error vs. the content of your character, you do NOT want to be their friend or acquaintance anyway, truuuth.
- Be proud of your insecurities, when your honest about your insecurities in means that you are emotionally healthy.
10 Secrets for creating an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G Family
- On weekends, have a Family Meeeting and Create a Daily schedule where you plan out your day; ask each person; what do you feel like doing? Each person gets to pick one thing they would like to do.
- Discover the Lost Art of Story-Telling @ the dinner table (Great Self-Confidence Builder for kids!) Ask your kids, each pick one thing that you want me to tell you a story about, they pick 2 things, then make up a story with those two things, then all take turns telling stories.
- Be a role model for a genuine apology, which means we change our future behavior.
- Have your children pick up their own messes and require them to do chores each day. Our children do not know how to work hard, I think we have a lot to learn from FARMERS!
- Each parent spends 15 minutes of child directed play time each day per child. (30 minutes for parents who have their kids’ half time.) Kiddo picks what they want to do for the whole time, just chill out and let the kid guide the whole activity.) This can be hard! You may be biting your tongue a little. g- legos, “just put it there. Doh.”
- Put Your Marriage 1st by establishing early bed times. You Can Do It! (maybe a 30 -minute home date night after:)
- Learn to Ask Great Questions.
- Sometimes it’s BEST to break the rules!
- Share when your feelings are hurt, share this the same day, not a week later. When someone shares with you that you hurt their feelings, just listen to them, try not to defend yourself.
- Make your kids READ for 30 minutes every day. ? Reading cures ALL of the ails in our world; ignorance, stupidity, poverty, self-righteousness, boredom, pain, hurt, insecurity, abuse, depression, narcissism, etc. AND it is the most frugal habit you can ever teach your children!
10 Secrets for Saving Our Children from Being S-P-O-I-L-E-D.
- Children should never be born into wealth, this creates entitlement, selfishness, spoiledness, and narcissism. Wealth should only be accumulated from hard work. Therefore, if you are weealthy, protect your children from thinking their wealthy. It is imperative that we teach our children the value of frugality and enjoying the simple things in life. How can we do this? Try some of my suggestions.
- Try just shopping at Thrift Stores or Walmart for a year. On birthdays, just buy one gift for your child under $30. On holidays, instead of buying gifts, maybe try doing charitable acts to bless others.
- Enjoy the FRUGAL THINGS in life; fishing, hiking, board games, tenting, dancing, boating, neighborhood parties, swimming, drawing, painting, music, free concerts, river-walking, camping, cooking at home, mini road trips, etc.
- Shy away from buying a lot of toys! Toys creates selfishness, don’t believe me, visit third world countries and compare the quality of character to kiddos in 3rd world countries vs. the quality of character with kids in 1st world countries. The proof is in the pudding, facts don’t lie.
- Your children need to learn the art of entertaining themselves sometimes and not needing to be entertained all the time. Therefore, on non-school days consider having your children entertain themselves for 1 hour, no screens.
- Give your child a chore each day and expect them to clean up after themselves.
- Stop telling your children their GOOD at everything/GREAT at everything. Say to your child, “Yeah, you may be lousy at basketball now, because you just started, but we all start out being LOUSY AT FIRST.” LET YOU KIDS BE JUST OKAY, FINE, MAYBE LOUSY AT SOME THINGS. WHEN WERE ALWAYS TELLING OUR KIDS HOW GREAT THEY ARE AT EVERYTHING, THIS CREATES NARCISSISM AND ENTITLMENT.
- As parents, sometimes we love our kids too much and we are kind of addicted to our kids. We need to detach ourselves from our children sometimes if we are going to be able to parent effectively and take our blinders off. A lot of parents have huge blinders on about their own kids. HUGE.
- Instead of buying toys for your kids, try going to the local dollar store and let your child pick out one item they can bring home.
- Do not tell your child; “don’t cry, I don’t want to see you cry”, “don’t be angry”, or “don’t be sad.” Our children need to feel comfortable to express all emotions to us including; sadness, anger, disappointment, insecurity, happiness, jealousy, hurt, excitement, belonging, love, entitlement, pain, joy.
10 Secrets for Healing Narcissism & Pride (The # 1 psychological problem most of us have and NO ONE gets therapy for.) ?
- Accept the fact that most of us struggle with Covert Narcissism and Pride. When your Narcissism comes out, say; “Hey, my narcissism came out there when I said that comment. I’m sorry I was prideful.” If we each can develop the habit of doing this regularly we can heal ourselves of our narcissism.
- Read 3 books on narcissism, focus on yourself, not others. The wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing, disarming the narcissist, and the wizard of Oz & other narcissists are all good books. (Read everything with a healthy grain of salt of course.)
- Learn to say the phrase; “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, tell me more about how I hurt your feelings. Goal-Listen only, try not to defend yourself.
- Learn to show real interest in other people’s lives by asking GREAT QUESTIONS.
- Learn and become familiar with other people’s non-verbal’s. If there being distant, cold, shut off, or acting upset with you, ask why? Learn to pay attention to people’s non-verbal’s and show care if your words or non-verbal actions hurt somebody else’s feelings.
- Learn to give a genuine apology as manifested by changed behavior. If there is no change in your behavior, your apology meant nothing.
- LEARN TO BE HUMBLE. LEARN TO BE HUMBLE. LEARN TO BE HUMBLE. (hmm, 3 times, this must be IMPORTANT! If you can learn humility, you can heal your Narcissism. Humility is saying; Teach Me, Help Me, I’m Lost, I’m Listening, I don’t know what I am doing, I’m clueless, I need help, teach me more, tell me more, I am listening, I am wrong, I am unskilled in this area.
- Ask people regularly in your life, “Do you feel like I REALLY LISTEN TO you when you’re talking to me?” If they say, NO, then listen to their response, learn from their feedback. Learn to ask people; How was your day? Listen intently to their answer and try to ask questions to learn more.
- Give yourself GRACE, overcoming Narcissism takes time. If you have been this way for most of your life, givve yourself time to heal your Narcissism wound.
8 Secrets for Healing Relationships
- Share when your feelings are hurt, listen when your partner shares that you hurt their feelings. Goal=Listen intently, be curious. ?
- Be a role model for a genuine apology as demonstrated by changed behavior. If your behavior does not change, the apology was probably false.
- If you are married, but have no romantic feelings right now, just work on healing the friendship part of your marriage first, not the romantic part.
- Give a lingering kiss each day, spontaneously. Try to make a habit of making love to your partner 1x each day. All of our intimate relationships are love deprived, this should not seem like a lot. Time commitment-1 hour? There are 24 hours in a day. I am simply asking for 1/24 of your day to sacrifice to your partner in this way. Do not watch porn, break yourself of your porn habit, otherwise it can destroy you.
- Ask you partner consistently; How was your day? Give 100% emotionally honest answers.
- If you are married, write a top 100 list of FUN THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO TOGETHER and commit to doing 1 thing each week. (think frugal, fun, wild.)
- All drugs & alcohol can be beautiful substances when used in moderation. Addictions destroy relationships, so try to commit to moderate use only.
- 1x a week ask your partner to vent for 10 min about anything and everything they feel like venting about, just LISTEN, try not to FIX anything unless they ask for it.
~Did You enjoy this? Pass It On. The more, the merrier. Copyright by Kelly Johnson, MA, LPC 2017.~