This is my last blog post in this three part Narcissism Series. In closing out this series, I would like to leave you with a tool that will be helpful for you in understanding Narcissism in yourself and others. There is probably no better way to explain Narcissism than to examine the Emotional Safety Spectrum. The Emotional Safety Spectrum is a worksheet that I have created to help people understand Emotional Safety and Narcissism.
Here is a little history about this worksheet that I created. I received a document that looked similar to the Emotional Safety Spectrum from a friend of mine who is also in private practice, however the original document did not have any identifying information on it to who wrote it and there was no copyright date, so I can not give credit to the person who wrote the original document. However, if someone lets me know where the original document came from, I will happily and promptly give that person the credit they deserve. 🙂 So, I took the original document and added some traits to it to create the Emotional Safety Spectrum Worksheet that I use with clients.
One easy way to start healing your own Narcissism is to make a habit of NURTURING HUMILITY. Humility in human beings is BEAUTIFUL and it is designed to be nurtured. One way that you can nurture your humility is to print off this sheet and put it on your refrigerator. Anytime that you see yourself exhibit one of the emotionally unsafe traits on the list, give yourself grace, acknowledge it with the person you hurt and by doing this you are making it right. 🙂
So, without further ado, here is the Emotional Safety Spectrum. FYI, Any therapists, counselors, etc. are more than welcome to use this worksheet and change it up as you see fit to better help your respective patients and clients.
Emotional Safety Spectrum
|Unhealthy Narcissism/Unsafe People:
Have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses.
Defensive instead of open to feedback.
Self-righteous instead of humble.
Apologize instead of changing my behavior.
Avoid my problems instead of dealing with them, does not think that I sin.
Demand trust, instead of earning it.
Believe I am close to perfect instead of admitting faults.
Blame others instead of taking responsibility. (manipulation/guilt-tripping)
Lie instead of being honest.
Are stagnant instead of growing.
Avoid closeness instead of connecting.
Are only concerned about “I” instead of “we” (not relationship centered)
Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
Condemn us instead of forgiving us.
Stay in parent/child roles (Preaching vs. dialoging)
Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.
Gossip instead of keeping our confidences.
Will not apologize, but will justify behavior.
Will talk too much and not ask questions(no empathy)
Verbal Abusive Patterns such as; discounting, demeaning, saying I’m crazy, I’m too sensitive, mean jokes, name-calling ,anger outbursts, )
|Healthy Narcissism/Safe People:
Expresses vulnerability by admitting weaknesses
Takes Constructive feedback and freely talks about sins.
Humility with Self Confidence
Change Behavior and Apologize
Actively work on my problems
Earn trust, not demand it.
Humility and Vulnerability
Takes full responsibility for mistakes and unhealthy choices
Practices honesty (or if someone lies they would immediately admit it afterwards through nurturing humility.)
Constantly growing and learning
Concerned about We and I.
Encourages freedom vs. Controlling
Forgives us vs. Condemns us. (no holding grudges)
Relate as co-equals
Positive influence on us over all
Keeping our confidences
Apologize freely and often when need to.
Will ask questions and show concern for other person. (empathy)
Encourages, Uplifts, Speaks Truth, Holds us Accountable, and Believes in us.
Here is another Gluten Free Five Ingredient or Less Recipe, this recipe is for Cauliflower Fried Rice…. Hmm Hmm Good!
Kelly Johnson, MA, LPC