Making Sense of Disobedience and Disrespect in Our Children

It is my belief that in first world countries we are raising children that are struggling a lot with being spoiled and entitled.   Furthermore, it is of my belief that over 75% of our children in first world countries struggle with narcissism, entitlement, and spoilededness, unlike most other children from 1st world countries.  Because of this belief, I have created the following; 12 Secrets for Saving our Children from being S-P-O-I-L-E-D.

It is also of my belief that we have created a culture where parents can not take parenting advice to save their life.    It is CRAZY MAKING TO ME, that we are diagnosing our children with all of these disorders such as attention deficit disorder, sensory processing disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, anxiety, depression, etc.  BUT I DONT THINK THERE IS ONE DIAGNOSIS IN THE WHOLE DSM TO ADDRESS PARENTING PROBLEMS.  Frankly, I think 9 times out of 10, when a child is diagnosed with any of the above disorders, the root of the problem is found within ineffective parenting.  I think the # 1 trait in a good parent is HUMILITY.  I hope you enjoy this article and feel free to share it with friends and family. As always, all errors in this article are done on purpose to heal us from that stupid perfectionism stronghold.

12 Secrets for Saving Our Children from Being S-P-O-I-L-E-D.

 

  1. Disrespect first starts in the eyes with children and adults. If you have a hard time looking someone in the eyes it is because they have been hurtful to you and disrespectful.  For our children and teenagers, if they disrespect you as a parent, they will start to look away and will not look into your eyes when you are speaking to them.  However, before you insist that they look into your eyes when you are speaking to them, it’s important that you ask yourself the question; why are they having a hard time looking into my eyes?  Is it because of their disobedience and disrespect? Or, is it because of my temperament as a parent?  For example, many children are parented by a parent who can be emotionally or verbally abusive and if that is the case, then the kiddo will look away because he or she does NOT respect you as a parent because you are being emotionally abusive.   If this is the case, parenting coaching can help you to become healthier in your communications with your child.  Parents need to develop discernment in this way and look inward at their own behaviors just as much as their looking outward at their child’s behavior.

2. Children should never be born into wealth, this creates entitlement, selfishness, spoiledness, and narcissism. Wealth should only be accumulated from hard work.  Therefore, if you are wealthy, protect your children from thinking their wealthy.  It is imperative that we teach our children the value of frugality and enjoying the simple things in life.  How can we do this?  Try some of my suggestions.

3. Try just shopping at Thrift Stores or Walmart for a year. On birthdays, just buy one gift for your child under $30 or a couple smaller gifts.  On holidays, instead of buying gifts, maybe try doing charitable acts to bless others.   Also, each of our children have been given the GIFT OF LIFE.  Because of this gift, we should try to make birthday’s more balanced and less “about me.” by taking turns each year with celebrating birthday’s with creating a special memory or giving a gift and then the next year celebrate the birthday by helping your kiddo be a GIFT to someone else by participating in an act of service in the community.  e.g, visiting nursing homes, playing bingo with elderly, visiting people who are sick, etc. Hmm, this makes me realize that there are NOT ENOUGH PLACES WHERE KIDDOS/FAMILIES CAN VOLUNTEER AT.

 

4. Enjoy the FRUGAL THINGS in life; fishing, hiking, board games, tenting, dancing, boating, neighborhood parties, swimming, drawing, painting, music, free concerts, river-walking, camping, cooking at home, mini road trips, etc.

 

  1. Shy away from buying a lot of toys.   Most toys creates selfishness, don’t believe me, visit third world countries and compare the quality of character to kiddos in 3rd world countries vs. the quality of character with kids in 1st world countries.  The proof is in the pudding, facts don’t lie.

 

  1. Your children need to learn the art of entertaining themselves sometimes and not needing to be entertained all the time. Therefore, on non-school days consider having your children entertain themselves for 1 hour, no screens. Of course, you can play with them if you want, but let them lead the play. Frankly, I think screens have turned our children into the worst version of themselves.

 

  1. Give your child a task each day and expect them to clean up after themselves. (For children who are 5+) We have a real double standard in our culture regarding this, if children grow up on a farm and work 1 hour before school we would think nothing of this, but a parent who makes their 9 year old do a 15-30 minute chore each day we would think is waaay too much.  No wonder why all of our children are spoiled, but we’re all blinded to it because of our own Narcissism, so because of this, know one will see and recognise that their own children are spoiled.

 

  1. Stop telling your children their SO GOOD at everything/GREAT at everything. Say to your child, “Yeah, you may be lousy at basketball now, because you just started, but we all start out being LOUSY AT FIRST.”   LET YOU KIDS BE JUST OKAY, FINE, MAYBE LOUSY AT SOME THINGS.  WHEN WERE ALWAYS TELLING OUR KIDS HOW GREAT THEY ARE AT EVERYTHING, THIS CREATES NARCISSISM AND ENTITLMENT.

 

  1. As parents, sometimes we “love” our kids too much and we are kind of addicted to our kids. We need to detach ourselves from our children sometimes if we are going to be able to parent effectively and take our blinders off.  A lot of parents have huge blinders on about their own kids. HUGE.  See # 6.

 

  1. Stop buying toys for your kids, the outdoors are the best toy they can ever have! I’m preaching to the choir here, I need to get my own kids outside MORE 😊   Instead of buying toys, maybe go to the local dollar store once every few months and let your child pick out one item they can bring home.

 

  1. Do not tell your child; “don’t cry, I don’t want to see you cry”, “don’t be angry”, or “don’t be sad.” Our children need to feel comfortable to express all emotions to us including; sadness, anger, disappointment, insecurity, happiness, jealousy, hurt, excitement, belonging, love, entitlement, pain, joy.

 

  1. In terms of discipline, when a child is disrespectful or disobedient, have the child sit in the bathroom for the amount of time equaling his/her age. For example, if your child is 5 years old, then you would have your child sit in the bathroom for a 5-minute time out.  However, if your child comes out of the time out or starts yelling in the middle of the time out, then the time out would start over.   Time outs should really not start until the age of 5.   I think spankings/physical punishment typically are not effective, unless you can remain calm, explain effectively, and comfort afterwards.  However it takes a very special parent to be able to do this in the right way.

 

We’ll all for now, I am done writing for the evening, have a good night.  No more recipes, one recipe for the day is enough.   🙂

Warm Regards,

Kelly Johnson, MA, LPC

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