Colorado Center For Healing And Change

More recently I have been working with a significant amount of depressed clients.  There are several strategies that I give these clients when there trying to work through their depression.  First thing to note is, depression is a cycle of negative thinking, negative beliefs, and then negative behaviors.   People think they are depressed, then, they start to believe things like “I’m a failure”, ”I can’t do anything right”, or “No one likes me”  Once these beliefs are believed it impacts the individuals behaviors.  “Well if no one likes me, I’m not going to call any one” or “I’m not going out to the game, no one will miss me anyway.”  As you can see this vicious cycle unfold, the more we think negative thoughts, the more we believe irrational beliefs, and then we behave in such a way that reinforces our belief system—  SELF FULFIILING PROPHECY AT ITS BEST!!!  The problem lies in the FACT that the beliefs we believe about ourselves are often FALSE.  They are irrational beliefs or also called cognitive distortions. 

So with ALL of this being said you can see their lies a huge problem, so how does the depressed person get help?  A treatment plan must be created where they are changing their BEHAVIORS every day.  In doing this the beliefs, and thoughts start to change as well.  For the depressed person, they cannot choose what they will do or not do in a day because of their FEELINGS, feelings come and feelings go.  They need to force themselves our out of the door.  Here is a list of the top 5 things people can do to help them curve their depression.  Please note, this does not substitute regular therapy.  If you are interested in Aurora Depression therapy please contact the Colorado Center for Healing and Change. 

1. Exercise EVERY DAY.

2. Take a multi-vitamin and eat at least 3 well balanced meals per day.

3. Pray/serve in your community- (through prayer and service we get outside of ourselves.  Naturally with depression were focused on our selves, through these 2 acts we get outside of ourselves and think about others needs.  When we do this we typically feel better about our own situations.

4. Journal your feelings and thoughts.

5. Establish healthy relationships and cultivate them regularly (daily!)

Share with me your successes and struggles, I want to hear them!

Be blessed.

Kelly Johnson

Sometimes we all go through seasons of life that we are not happy about.  We do everything we can to suppress, change, quelch, contort, or manipulate the situation we are going through and it ends up taking longer than normal.   I encourage you to try something different.  I would challenge you to try an exercise called RADICAL ACCEPTANCE.  Yes, you heard me correctly, radical acceptance consists of not only tolerating the particuler season, but radically accepting the stage you are in.  When you do something like this try to:

1. Start a thanksfulness journal regarding the situation.

2.  Try and see what lessons you can learn from this season.  Come back to this list regularly and see where you at.

4. Come up with 3 daily goals to attain right when you wake up in the morning.

5. End your day with a prayer of thanksfulness about where you are what you have been given.

Thoughts?  I would love to hear them!  Remember, do not just tolerate the season, radically accept it and embrace it, it will go by much faster.  If you are needing life coaching or counseling please call us today for a no obligation consultation. 

BLESSINGS!

Kelly

3.

Good Afternoon!

How is everybody doing on their new years resolution?   Consider embarking on a journey with a Professional Life Coach at the Colorado Center for Healing and Change.  As a life coach I can help you maximize your potential in life and achieve your goals.  Life is to short to live in fear- Live it well, we can help.  Here are some of the issues we can help individuals with in regards to life coaching.

Long time no blog, my apologies about that.  Life has been extremely busy over the past couple of months.  I guess busy is a good thing, right?  My husband and I went home to Minnesota to spend time with family.  It has been rewarding to see family and see our first child connect with grandpa and grandma.   As I look back over the last couple of months I have learned many things, one of which I would like to reflect on with you all, my readers.   I have learned a lot about how my faith impacts my profession as a counselor.  I love God and enjoy sharing Gods’ love and letting others know how much God loves them.  I also deeply respect people’s faith and seek to understand people from all faith perspectives.  As a Christian and also a counselor I often wrestle with how these two interact with one another.   Yet what I have realized is that they complement one another wonderfully, more than I would have anticipated.  

God loves each one of my clients deeply; I believe God gives each of his children unconditional love, which is incomprehensible and scary.  As human beings we are most often given conditional love in our relationships based off of merits, performance, and conditions.  As an adult, when we recieved conditional love as a child, we are afraid to admit weaknesses or faults because in our mind we interpret that as failure and a behavior that does not warrant love.   So the results are constant minimization and blaming of our personal problems on others and becoming defensive of at the drop of a hat.   When I can unconditionally accept and love my clients for who they are and where there at, their defenses start to come down and they can see themselves for who they really are, exposed- This is when the healing process begins.  Through giving them unconditional positive regard I essentially love them like their heavenly Father does. 

If you are reading this and asking the questions, how can I get help?  The first step is admitting you have a problem, grieve the loss of not experiencing unconditional love, share with your loves ones how you have developed maladaptive ways of coping with that, and lastly, seek our help from a professional counselor to help you deal with this loss.  Through counseling you can learn tools to reintegrate the gift of unconditional love and improve your sense of identity.   This is the beauty of integrating my faith into the counseling realm, its not an artificial link in the least, it’s the real deal.  We all need unconditional love, and when we don’t get it we suffer deeply.  The lord does love us doesn’t he?   I would love to hear your thoughts, agree or disagree, chime in! 

Aurora Colorado Counseling

I have always said tha marriages take hard work, and they do.  Sometimes we get frusterated becomes things dont feel the same, the spark fades, and frankly…. the sex is boring.  Purposeful flirting even when you are not “feeling” it can be extremely powerful in a marriage.  Remember, feelings come and feelings go, so flirt despite what you are feeling.  Sometimes in marriages like in life, for success to happen you have to “fake it until you make it.”  So flirt away and dont expect anything back for awhile.  Wait and see what happens.  If you need a refresher course on how to flirt, check out this article listed below!

http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt

If your relationship is in needing of some rejuvinating, check out more about our relationship counseling services on the services page.  We would love to serve you!

Aurora Counseling

 Often times in couples counseling I tell the couples that marriage get worse before it gets better.  In the counseling office often times there is trust there and for the first time the couples feels comfortable to take their masks off.  When this happens, secrets come out and other hidden agendas come out that can be extremely hurtful.  Couples wear their masks and play the games so well that when they come into my office there are presenting as strangers.  When I address a hidden agenda or a secret I will hear from one partner, “well that is nothing, I just hid the fact that I went out with a couple of friends.”  What the lie is about is not the issue in this situation, the issue is that their is hiding there.  When we feel a need to hide from our partner we are not allowing ourselves to be fully known.  Just the notion that secrets are there sheds light on the hidden nature of the relationship and the need for authenticity.  Something to think about as you go through out your day.  If you are looking for aurora counseling services please feel free to peruse this site for more information.  We would love to serve you!     I look forward to your comments

In couples counseling, alot of dysfunction comes from the same source.  Do you know what that source is?  Yes, you are correct- secrets, lies, and hidden agenda’s.  Often times couples will fight about different topics but there are deeper issues at bay that never get discussed.   The best thing that you can do for your relationship is get all of the secrets out of the way  (This is often best done through therapy).  Now, this is not an excuse for being disruptive or rude and their still needs to be discernment with what you share.  But this does provide an opportunity to let your partner know what is really going on.  Sometimes in couples counseling, the relationship needs to get worse before it gets better.  Because in counseling, the truth is shown in the relationship for the very first time, this results in increased negative energy and pain.  It is not that the relationship is clearly getting worse, it is just that the darkness is being shown in the relationship and it will take time to heal.  If you feel a need to keep secrets in your relationship, ask yourself the question why?   Let me know what your thoughts are. 

 If you are needing help getting the secrets out in a healthy way consider couples counseling, sometimes a 3rd party can make all the difference. 

Kelly

As a school counselor I see a lot of bullying going on.  It seems like in middle school bullying, clicks, and gossip are such huge problems.  With bulling I have learned that it rarely gets better by just punishing the one who bullies.  To intervene effectively the bullymust feel the emotional pain of his victim.  Asking questions like, “what do you think it feels like to get bullied?” Have you even been bullied?”  Why do you bully?”  How does it make you feel when you bully”  Wow, this boy said, that his life has been horrible since the bullying started, how does that impact you?”  All of these questions attack the root of the problem with bullying.  For the bully, there is either an over-confidence problem or the polar opposite, no confidence.  Provide an environment for your child where they feel comfortable talking to you about what is going on at school.  If your son or daughter is bullying, listen to your teachers, talk to your student regularly and hold you child accountable for treating individuals with respect and dignity.

Well, September is fast approaching.  I love the fall, there is nothing better than the crisp air, the changing leaves, apple cider, pumpkins, hoodies, and a cup of warm soup by the fire on a cool night.  As a kid, we would gather the leaves up every fall and get our mini trampoline out, and jump into the leaves, mind you our leaf pile was about 5 feet high.  Hmmm….  It puts a smile on my face just thinking about it. 

*Please note, this blog has some spiritual/religious undertones to it.  These are simply some opinions of the writer, read at your own leisure. *

For today I would like to talk about selfishness, a cultural epidemic in my opinion.   I believe by nature we are all selfish.  Now, not to sound negative here, I don’t think it is always a bad thing, our selfishness often leads to goal setting which is a good thing, but it needs to be put into perspective.   If you think you are struggling with selfishness here are 2 excellent ways to get outside of yourself and bless others.  The irony in this is that the more we bless others, the happier we are.  The more we succumb to our selfish ways, the unhappier we are.   The first step in overcoming selfishness is to admit to close friends and family that you struggle with selfishness.  Next, try on these exercises on for size and see what you think. 

Prayer

Prayer is an excellent way to get outside of yourself and bless others.  Lets say you are sick and tired of your spouses’ lazy ways, instead of nagging for them to change, try praying for them daily.  Surrender that person to God and give up control.  Because we all know that we can not change people and people have to change for themselves, surrendering that person to God is a great way to practice saying, not my will, but your will, Lord.  Often times, we think we know what is best for us better than God does.  When I have been consistent in my own prayer times, praying for my spouse, friends, family, co-workers, and my child regularly I realize that I am more content with my life and my perspective on life changes.

 Giving

Giving is also an excellent cure for selfishness; there is a scripture that states, “Where your money is your heart is”. How and what we spend our money on, shows where our priorities are.  God knows this, so he asks us in scripture to tithe on our income.  Now, I don’t think this is a legalistic number in that 10 is the magic number. However, I do think that God knows we can easily base our identity on money, which comes and goes. So through the practice of giving, we surrender some of what he has already has given us.  Through giving we are given the opportunity to break the bondage to materialism, wealth, and the “more you have the happier you will be” phenomenon.  Now, please know, I don’t think wealth is a bad thing, I think wealth can be used for a lot of good, but if our heart is solely in our wealth I think that is a sad misfortune.  Well I would love to hear your thoughts on your own journey.  How do you work through selfishness?   Well, I’m off and away for now, have a blessed day.

 Kelly Johnson

Giving our children unconditional love is is one of the biggest gifts we can give them.  When someone truly knows they are loved they then carry that love and confidence with them through out their life, which allows them to face their personal limitations and obstacles easier. They can take an honest look at their strengths and shortcomings and be able to assimilate these into their personality.  A lot of us were not shown unconditional love as a child.  Some of us were only given love for performance or perfection, and some of us were really not shown any emotional love.  How does this affect someone’s identity?  Hugely.  When someone was not given unconditional love as a child they have an extreme difficulty with being able to look at their shortcomings, they also express difficulty in being able to admit their needs because their emotional needs were ignored growing up.   They also have difficulty expressing emotions because to express emotion indicates that the person needs another person.  Additionally, as a child, if every time the kid got sad and the parent said, “stop being sad, I’ll give you something to be sad about.”  Well, that shows that feelings are not allowed, so if you have feelings than shut them off. 

 For individuals that grew up in a critical family where love was earned not freely given, please know this.  You are loved, just the way you are.  You do not have to prove you are love worthy.  Additionally, to admit faults, does not mean you are unlovable or a bad husband/wife/person, etc, all it means is that you are human, we all make mistakes.   Often times in counseling I help people grieve the father or mother wound.  We all know our parents loved us, however some parents were not able to meet our emotional needs like we needed.  So grieving the parent wound allows us to acknowledge that our needs were not met and we can surrender and release that hurt.  Let me know your thoughts on this issue, I am curios what you all are thinking.  I am off to Lake Tahoe for the weekend for a conference; hopefully it will be a rejuvenating time!  If you are wanting to work through these issues through counseling please peruse this site for more information. 

Blessings and Peace be with you!

KJ