Do you feel like there is something wrong with your relationship but cant seem to nail it down? Perhaps, your prince charming looks perfect on paper, however there is just this deep feeling that SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT with the relationship? Look no further for some answers, as a rule of thumb ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT INSTINCT WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS, choose people to be in your life who are emotionally safe. (or at least aim a couple people that are emotionally safe!)
Emotional Safety Spectrum
| Unsafe People:Have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses.Defensive instead of open to feedback.Self-righteous instead of humble.Apologize instead of changing my behavior.
Avoid my problems instead of dealing with them.
Demand trust, instead of earning it.
Believe I am close to perfect instead of admitting faults.
Blame others instead of taking responsibility. (manipulation/guilt-tripping)
Lie instead of being honest.
Are stagnant instead of growing.
Avoid closeness instead of connecting.
Are only concerned about “I” instead of “we” (not relationship centered)
Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
Condemn us instead of forgiving us.
Stay in parent/child roles (Preaching vs. dialoging)
Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.
Gossip instead of keeping our confidences.
Will not apologize, but will justify behavior.
Will talk too much and not ask questions
Verbal Abusive Patterns(discounting, demeaning, name-calling ,anger outbursts)
|Safe People:Expresses vulnerability by admitting weaknessesTakes Constructive feedbackHumility with Self ConfidenceChange Behavior and Apologize
Actively work on my problems
Earn trust, not demand it.
Humility and Vulnerability
Takes full responsibility for mistakes and unhealthy choices
Constantly growing and learning
Concerned about We and I.
Encourages freedom vs. Controlling
Forgives us vs. Condemns us. (no holding grudges)
Relate as co-equals
Positive influence on us over all
Keeping our confidences
Apologize freely and often when need be.
Will ask questions and show concern for other person.
Encourages, Uplifts, Empowers, and Believes in us.